Chronic fatigue and me

Navigating chronic fatigue alongside auDHD

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Recently I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of the pervasive sense of fatigue I feel on a daily basis. Call it tiredness, exhaustion, lethargy or simply “burnout”, but whichever way you look at it, it’s not fun to be feeling this way every single day.

I’ve written before about the fatigue I felt after burning out, but this feels different somehow. It’s been two years since I quit my job and I was hoping to have returned to ‘normal’ by this point, but that still seems a long way off. Yes, I’m largely ‘recovered’, but I know I still have a long way to go.

Chronic exhaustion is something I’ve struggled with since burning out; I experienced severe fatigue during the five-month stint at my last job, as well as afterwards to the tune of six months largely asleep. I wasn’t really able to function during those months, but somehow still planned my wedding and did the basics around the house, but since ‘recovering’ (I use those words lightly) I still struggle with fatigue, albeit to a slightly lesser degree.

I’m able to get out of the house most days and do things, and I’m able to be up and about during the day without needing a sleep. That’s great news, but I still struggle with a persistent and unrelenting sense of fatigue no matter how much I sleep or rest, and it’s taking its toll on my mental health.

At first I thought I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (known as CFS), but after much research I decided I don’t have enough symptoms to be diagnosed. And—call me stubborn—I also refuse to believe that fatigue is the end of my story. I’ve improved so much since I last burned out, and I believe I will keep on improving even if it’s slow and steady. I refuse to believe that this is as good as it gets.

For now I try to pace myself as much as possible and do things that I know increase my energy levels. I share dog-walking and housework with my husband and generally try not to do too much in one day. Of course what “too much” looks like is different for everyone, but I try to plan my days and weeks so that I always have some free time, and I live a low-demand lifestyle as much as I can. These things help, but they haven’t completely eradicated the fatigue I feel on a daily basis.

As I approach my thirties I’m realizing how important quality sleep is to me. I never used to have problems sleeping, but now it seems that good quality sleep is as elusive as a day when I don’t feel fatigued. I’m not totally sure the two are correlated, as I seemed to experience fatigue before I had sleep issues, but it’s something I’m looking into. During my last job, the one I wrote about here, I experienced broken sleep for the first time in my life and it was horrendous to say the least. I experienced an overwhelming sense of fatigue no matter how much I slept and I would wake up several times during the night worrying about work the next day.

I now try to prioritize sleep, and to that end I have started going to bed a bit earlier than my husband sometimes. Although I don’t do that every night, I think I notice a difference in my mood and my energy levels the next day when I do.

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For me, I understand my fatigue and my neurodivergence to be inextricably linked. The more I learn about autism and ADHD, the more I understand why. There’s even something called “compensation fatigue” to describe how managing neurodivergent traits can lead to emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. Although I feel like I manage my autism and ADHD well, I’m aware it’s an extra tax on my body and brain, as well as my time and energy.

Pacing seems to be my best strategy, along with reducing demands and crafting a low-demand life for myself. The truth of the matter is that I simply don’t have the time or energy to do everything, so I prioritize what’s most important to me and spend my energy there.

I don’t have answers to my questions right now, and despite being under the care of various doctors, nurses, gynecologists and chiropractors I still don’t know the root cause (or causes) of my health issues. I’ve tried supplements—B12, magnesium, etc—which helped at the time, but probably from more of a placebo effect. I’ve cut down on cardio and prioritize strengthening exercise and I stay out of the sun and heat when it’s hot because I know that impacts my energy a lot. I try to eat well, prioritizing protein and a relatively low-sugar, low-carb diet, but nothing seems to drastically help. Despite all this and multiple blood tests as well as a diagnosis of endometriosis, I’ve still not got to the bottom of my mysterious fatigue. The most promising thing I’ve got to go on at the moment is Vitamin D deficiency, but I’m awaiting further blood tests to know if that’s correct.

I try to keep an open mind, and to that end I have researched the possibility of trauma and a dysregulated nervous system, as well as the possibility of a poor diet, hormones or blood sugar imbalances causing my fatigue. It’s all a journey—and one I’m enjoying researching, even though the suggested strategies aren’t always that simple to put into practice.

It’s hard to feel like a shell of your former self. I know I mention

Charlie Rewilding

a lot in my posts, but that’s because her content has so informed mine and her life has so mirrored mine that I find a lot of similarities between us. In these videos, here and here, she talks about the possibility of her having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and navigating chronic illness. If CFS is something you’re wondering about or want to look into, I encourage you to watch her videos for an auDHD perspective.

If you’ve made it this far, I want to thank you—thank you for reading my words, sharing them, and savouring them 💕 Let me know if you struggle with fatigue and the strategies that most help you—hopefully we can help each other in the comment section to overcome the burden of persistent fatigue. And if you’re interested in my digital minimalism series, you can sign up here. Til next time!

J x