How I knew I was recovering from burnout

Six milestones on the journey to burnout recovery

18 months on from quitting my job as a project officer, I feel I am no longer in burnout. Or at the very least I am at the tail end of it. I can't tell you how nice it is to be somewhat ‘out on the other side’, to be able to function relatively well in day-to-day life and to not feel so drained all the time.

It feels like a lot has happened in the last 18 months, and that is somewhat true. The first few months after resignation were the worst - I was unable to stay awake, often returning to bed for four or more hours in the afternoon, and I looked awful. I don't say that lightly. At some point I might have the courage to share a selfie I took at the time. I shocked myself, I genuinely looked like a haggard old woman. Those first few months after resigning I was also in the throes of planning my October 2023 wedding; somehow I managed to pull it all together and stay awake the entire day.

Courtesy of Essjay Photography

The next few months, from the end of 2023 to earlier this year, were a weird in-between stage where I felt (and looked) a lot better, but had absolutely no stamina. I couldn’t do my normal Pilates workouts, I couldn’t take my dog for her normal walks, and I genuinely thought I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I didn’t want to be around people and I was still very much in the ‘I’m-never-returning-to-work’ frame of mind.

Since then, over the last six months or so leading up to today, I have improved quite dramatically. I want to regain a semblance of a social life, I have enjoyed a few planned outings to nearby towns without experiencing too much of a ‘crash’ afterwards, and my creativity - which I didn’t even realize I’d lost until now - has returned in full force; I am writing songs and poetry again and I have enough Substack drafts to last me nearly four years!

Below is a deep dive into six milestones that, for me, are signs that I am finally exiting burnout and turning the page to a new chapter:

• Taking pride in my appearance. This is a big one. For the longest time after burning out I couldn’t be bothered to make an effort with my appearance at all. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I could barely wash my hair twice a week, I couldn’t do anything remotely complicated to my face (goodbye, multi-step skincare routines), etc. Both before and after my wedding I couldn’t handle the sensory nightmare of jewellery dangling around my face or on my body, and who needs makeup when you spend half your time asleep? Recently I’ve been wanting to put more effort into my appearance, and for me that looks like updating my beauty and skincare routines, wearing nicer outfits on a daily basis, and wanting to style my hair. I actually have the capacity to consider straightening my hair?? Go me!

• Not needing an afternoon nap. Being able to stay awake all day without feeling overly tired has been a gamechanger. For a while it seemed really strange when I could finally stay awake all day, and now I’m pretty good at not needing to sleep in the afternoons except on days when I’ve been out all morning or I’m feeling under the weather. Often I’ll prop myself up on the sofa for the afternoon with the laptop on my knees (terrible for my posture, wonderful for comfort), but it’s not often that I actually sleep.

• Increased tolerance for exercise. Recently I've found myself with the energy to consider adding back in late afternoon/evening exercise again. As someone who is not a gym-goer or who does ‘heavy workouts', this seems quite feasible until I remember that I have a history of over-exercising. (note: I am becoming more aware of my tendency to over-exercise, or at least over-exert myself. I am realising that I use exercise (especially cardio) as a stress reliever. This sounds like a good thing… until it's not. In the past I have walked 2+hrs a day to subconsciously relieve stress, but it only ended up worsening my physical and mental health symptoms, so reintroducing more exercise into my routine is something I'm very cautious of. If over-exercising is a topic of interest to you, let me know in the comments). I haven't reintroduced more exercise yet, but the fact that I consistently have enough energy to consider it is an amazing step forward.

• Considering returning to paid work. Recently I've been considering returning to paid work and what that might look like. Could I get a job in a café? Could I handle returning to administration or community services (the industries I left)? Could I do something remotely? I haven't got any clear answers to my questions yet, but the simple fact that I’m considering returning to paid work is a giant leap forward in my recovery. A few months ago I was very much in the frame of mind that I was never going to get another job again, so this change is my attitude is promising. I think I’ve realised that not all workplaces and not all jobs are the same - there are good ones out there, I just have to find them. There’s also the possibility of remote or freelance work, which I’ve dabbled in previously. I think if I could find a part-time role doing something I enjoy that also works for my neurodivergent traits, I think I have the capacity to do that, even if it's not in the industry or field I want to end up in.

• Renewed creativity. As I said earlier, I didn't even notice I had lost my creativity until it returned in full force. For me this looks like graphic design, phone photography, art and crafts and, of course, Substack. It's interesting to me that as I'm recovering I have the capacity to consider and pursue multiple creative interests at once, which seemed like an impossibility before. I’m not interested in making money out of any of these creative pursuits, except perhaps Substack, but I’m enjoying doing all of them for my own pleasure and for the joy that I derive from them.

• Renewed hope for the future. This makes it sound like I was depressed in the midst of my burnout, and maybe I was. I didn't seek professional help so I don't know for sure. Either way, coming out on the other side of burnout has taught me a great deal, and I’m able to look back and see that I had almost no hope for the future in the worst of my burnout. The only thing that kept me going was the hope that I would one day feel better, I would one day be able to do all the things I wanted to do, and I would one day have the energy to do the things I used to. I’m pleased and proud to say that I’m getting closer to it - I can feel it, touch it, and it’s glorious. I haven’t gone back to who I was before - I’ve had to mourn that previous version of myself - but then again who I was before was what led me to burnout in the first place, so why would I want to go back to being her? She had to change for my own wellbeing and sustainability. All in all, I have renewed hope for the future and a sense that all will be well.

Whether you’re in the throes of burnout, curious about it, or recovering, you might find this video helpful by

Charlie Rewilding

:

---

I’m also doing something I swore I’d never do and putting my face on the scary internet for all to see, on video! I am pretty self-conscious about this so please forgive my awkwardness on camera. I’ve also had a terrible cold recently and lowkey triggered my own misophonia watching back this video, so please forgive any annoying or irritating sounds I make as a result of my cold. And if you’re interested in misophonia, you’re in luck! - I’ll be talking about that very soon.

I hope you enjoyed this post and found it helpful, and please let me know what you think. Do you prefer video, voiceovers or text-only? Leave a comment or let me know in the poll below!

For more on the topic of savouring, see this post. It touches on social media and how technology erodes our ability to be in the present moment, so if that is of interest to you (or something you struggle with) do head on over to that post and give it a read. I look forward to seeing you in the comments! Til next time, J x

---

Thank you so much for being here 💛 Like this post if it resonates with you and leave a comment to share your thoughts and experiences. Subscribe to receive new posts by email and share this publication with someone who you think would enjoy my writing.