Phases

The phases of ADHD & the power of revisiting ideas

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Recently I was looking through some ideas I’d jotted down for this Substack when I first started writing on here—and upon revisiting them, found that none appealed. I was surprised by how quickly I’ve changed when I’ve only been writing on here for a few months.

In a recent post I referenced Jordan Peterson’s book, 12 Rules for Life. One of the things he said in that book that struck a chord with me is that we often hold ourselves to decisions we made when we were little more than a child. As I approach my thirties I no longer want what I did when I was thirteen. I find myself looking back over old lists of goals and aspirations and think, ‘I don’t really want that anymore.’

You’ve probably heard of skin cycling, but if you have ADHD like me then you’re probably well acquainted with ‘skill cycling’ (or ‘hobby/interest cycling’). Typically every few months I will find a new ‘thing’, and I will probably keep researching that thing and talking about that thing to my husband until the next thing comes along. And so on and so on…

I have a tendency towards interests that are somewhat unique or random, such as rare and vulnerable native dog breeds, the Romantic poets, and endangered species of British sheep. As a more recent example, I’ve been super into the idea of dog-sledding, a rather rare and unusual dog sport here in Australia, but an increasingly popular one. That led to an interest in Artic dog breeds, especially Siberian Huskies, which led me to nearly buying a trained sled dog… (I’m actually not joking!). Much to the gratefulness of my husband dog-sledding is off the cards for now, primarily due to lack of time and finances, as well as health constraints… but only for now 😁.

From childhood until my mid-twenties I was really into horses, and even had two of my own for a short time. Dog breed phases I’ve had include Greyhounds, Whippets, and Miniature Dachshunds. At the moment I’m still in my Italian Greyhound era, thanks to the surreal cuteness of Tika the Iggy, although no doubt one day another new breed will come along and knock Tika off her pedestal. (I do have a dog of my own so I know how much work goes into owning one!). Obviously I have a thing about dogs, but other specific phases I’ve had include Beatrix Potter, the Bronte’s, line-dancing and acoustic guitar, amoungst others.

Recently I realized that I tend to cycle through my interests and hobbies, and rather quickly at that; some of my interests have lasted years, others only a few days or weeks. But even if my interest is more sustained, say over a few months or years, there inevitably comes a point when my interest wanes and I realize I’d rather be doing something else. I suspect that we all go through phases, but those of us with ADHD probably cycle through them faster than most.

I saw something on Substack Notes the other day that was scarily accurate: (thanks to

Kelly

,

The Dopamine Dispatch

):

I’m not into the things listed above, but it got me thinking about all the different I’ve cycled through in my life. At the moment I’m somewhat interested in bullet journaling, but I’m not going to go out and buy special supplies when I know that it’s probably a phase that will be over before it’s even really begun. Something I’ve noticed, when I flip back through my journals, is how often I mention the new things I’m interested in. It happens quite a lot, so knowing that I’m not likely to spend my hard-earned money on something I might not be into in a few weeks time.

I’ve had some longer-term interests since I was a young child, and these I don’t expect to be things I lose interest in anytime soon. I’m happy to invest time and money in them because I know that my interest in them is sustained over the longer-term, so financial and time investment makes more sense. At the moment I’m training to be a counsellor because my interest in counselling isn’t just a phase; it’s stayed with me for a years and I know that counselling and psychotherapy has the potential to hold my interest for a lifetime; there’s so many interesting new things to learn!

To quote the song Phases by the band Keane: phases truly are “the motion of our lives”. There’s nothing wrong with going through phases. If you have the time, money, and energy to go all-out every time you enter a new phase, do that if you want to. But most of us have to be more constrained, whether due to finances or health or simply—time constraints. That isn’t to say you shouldn’t follow your dreams or pursue your passions—but you do need to be realistic about the amount of time, energy, and money you have at your disposal. Even so, phases help us to grow and change; we wouldn’t be who we are without the phases we’ve been through.

The curse of ADHD is in thinking that this hobby is different, this interest is different, this time this thing will last, when you know perfectly well that it isn’t true. To quote Phases: “And sometimes, you feel how good it is, [but] low tide gives way to high tide… And hard times, we watch them come and go, like crazes, it's all just phases.”

the band Keane

I think the nice part about ‘skill cycling’ is that you can take whatever skills or knowledge you’ve learned from one phase onto the next, effectively creating a sort of ‘rolling CV’ of skills and interests that have all taught you something, even if you didn’t stick with them or weren’t interested in them for very long. Becoming aware and observant of your phases can also help you learn more about yourself; a fun exercise is to assess your previous interests and find common threads between them.

Also, you can think about the stories and narratives you tell yourself and what story typically turns out to be true (“scrapbooking/snowboarding/gourmet cooking will change my life!” when in reality you have little time or patience for it). You can learn from your observations, taking your newly-acquired skills and knowledge into the next phase. To quote Keane again: “We salvage the parts we can, and work on a better plan… Dreaming of a better life, take what you can; just got to take what you can.”

Fr those of us with ADHD, our phases are partly what makes us interesting; we’re curious human beings and I suspect that many of us are multi-passionate. Let’s have some appreciation for the phases we go through and the things that, though we may not stick to for life, nonetheless entertain, inform, and inspire us, even if momentarily or temporarily.

Because anyway, “It’s all just phases.”