Reflections
Substack, academia, and how to make the right decision
I did not start my Substack as a form of self-help, although it seems I sometimes use this platform to conduct my own therapy. That’s because I find it extremely helpful to sound out ideas and write down my internal struggles in the drafts section, even if it never makes it out into the world as a fully-formed post. This is one of those drafts.
I am grappling with a few things right now that are pretty stressful. Externally, everything is fine. But I’m dealing with indecision as well as bureaucratic nonsense, both of which are nearly doing my head in. I’m supposed to be resting, having finished my diploma of counselling, but I’m majorly indecisive at the moment. If I told you what about you’d think it was stupid, but I suppose knowing that makes me deliberate even more… It’s not important, I keep telling myself, and yet in so many ways it is…
The following paragraph is going to sound like the cliche existence of someone with ADHD. I am attempting to clear out my wardrobe, I need to help my husband declutter and organize his wardrobe, I’m halfway through a week-long ‘personal reset’, I’m trying to get hold of my transcript for my completed diploma, the government is wanting proof I have finished my studies and a college is waiting to offer me an unconditional place, I can’t get hold of the transcript, I’ve been to FOUR optometrists over the past year and have four different prescriptions so now I have to choose where to get glasses and which frames to get (what even suits me??)… ARE YOU STRESSED EVEN JUST READING THIS? I am stressed just thinking about it.
I also have a silly little question floating around my brain about whether to return some clothes I bought yesterday because I can’t really justify spending $42 on clothes I don’t need, but how embarrassing is it to take clothes back to THE SAME CASHIER for a change-of-mind return because I’m too frugal to suck up the cost of keeping them? This is what happens when charity shops instate return policies…
All of this, yet I haven’t told you half of it.
Oh, and I’m thinking of leaving Substack.
STRESS, INDECISION, AND OVERWHELM
Let me back up a minute.
A week ago I assumed I’d be floating through my days in low-demand bliss, as I’m technically on a 12=week break until I start studying again next year. But the reality is quite different; completing a course is not the same as graduating from one, and it turns out there’s very little I can do to prepare for next year until I have this magical document in my hands. But getting hold of this document is proving more difficult than I thought. I was assured by my current college that it would be ready early December, but I need it before then and in order to get hold of it all of my work has to be marked, which it hasn’t yet. Getting lecturers and tutors to do their jobs and mark coursework is an education in itself…
But overall the education system here in Australia is a good one and I’m grateful I’m not going to be saddled with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans like some people in the U.S., and I also don’t have to pay out-of-pocket for university-level education as the situation seems to be in the UK. I get to study what I want and pay it back when I earn over a certain threshold.
While I’m not exactly going out of my mind over the academic transcript situation, it’s got me thinking about cumulative stress and the effects of stress in general. Stress, indecision and overwhelm feed into each other and I’m convinced that these various stressors (big and little) are making it harder for me right now to make smaller, less important decisions such as which glasses to buy, or whether to return clothes or not. It’s ironic because making a decision would relieve some of the stress, but I’m so stressed about making a wrong decision that I’m unable to make a decision.
Too many choices can also make a decision overwhelming. I don’t know about you, but going into an eyewear shop and seeing rows and rows of potentially nice-looking frames is a nightmare for me. As Dr Jordan Peterson said here, “Too many choices is anxiety.” I could let someone else decide for me, but I once let the dispenser pick out the frames she thought suited me best and I wasn’t 100% happy with what she chose, so I’m determined to make the choice myself this time. But the principle of ‘too many choices = anxiety’ applies to everything—buying clothes, picking a university, etc… too much choice is overwhelming and stressful, and as a result we become indecisive.
Here is another clip from Jordan Peterson about making decisions:
ACADEMIA
Academia—writing, researching, collaborating, publishing—is a newfound dream and interest of mine. I’ve become increasingly interested in the world of academia, not in a ‘I want to be a professor’ way, but in the sense that I’m interested in contributing to the literature and research about neurodivergence.
I guess my life has been spent trying to understand myself and others, and I feel it would be wonderful to further the research surrounding women with auDHD or contribute to the academic literature about late-diagnosed neurodivergence in women from a lived, and not purely scientific, perspective. I would also like to develop my thoughts and ideas about counselling to develop a new Christian counselling framework.
So those are my current thoughts on academia. Now onto Substack…
LEAVING SUBSTACK
As an auDHDer I’m drawn to social media but am easily overwhelmed by the amount of information online. It’s a classic case of understimulation/overstimulation. Information fatigue is real and something I am very much grappling with at the moment. Unfortunately Substack has become a very overwhelming place for me at present; I most often leave feeling inspired but overwhelmed, unable to take action amid all the (lovely but) conflicting pieces of advice I’ve read.
Sure, there’s beautiful pictures and engaging conversation and amazingly well-written posts, but I leave feeling deflated somehow, like a balloon that got its hopes up but was let down at the party. I don’t like social media, as much as I realize it is necessary in order to promote this newsletter. For the sake of not repeating myself, I’ll leave a link here to a post about my current approach to Substack:
Currently I’m staying off Notes as much as possible and sticking to the few people I subscribe to instead of seeking out new newsletters. I, like many others, came to Substack in the hopes that it would be different from other social media platforms. But it seems the exact things that drove us here are now embedded in Substack too.
There are lots of good things about Substack, but let’s not forget that it is a social media platform—and any form of social media is drawing us away from our real lives, the lives we’re often not paying attention to because we’re staring at a screen. For more of my thoughts on social media, you can read this post.
I’d love to know your thoughts on indecision, academia, and Substack. You can leave a comment below or message me privately. Til next time, take care! J x